My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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