you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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