So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
