I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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