Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
there is glitter all over my balls
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
