i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
