You made me cry and you don't even care
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
