How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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