i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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