u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
