Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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