her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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