Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
