I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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