Where are you?
In a non slutty way
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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