Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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