she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
