On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
