i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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