yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
