Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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