Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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