The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
