If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
