I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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