Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
