eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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