There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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