wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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