I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Randomize
