and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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