It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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