I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
