i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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