Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
