im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
