I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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