Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
