if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
