I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just pynch a tree in the face
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Randomize
