I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
