i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
