everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Are my feet made of real feet?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
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