The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
