Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
