he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
