she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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