nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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