What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
