just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Randomize
